And then came this guy, tall and smart. Taking my breath away. My heart was stolen and every summer I would dream of meeting him and running on the green grass field. He had those twinkling eyes, playful smile and my heart would skip a beat.
He would take turns to wear the exact same colour shirt which I would wear. But I would never wear pink coz that wouldn't suit him. Thus, black and blue became my favourite and he would look absolutely stunning in them.
The moment he would be out of his house, I would sprint out of my house as if it is some kind of a marathon. He would adjust his hair. But he would know, I would be there, huffing and puffing in his mirror which had "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" written. Yes, I was close to his heart even when we were so apart.
Sometimes he would come so close to me, made my heart race so fast. He would say something but everything is so silent around me. I just keep staring at his eyes, they keep dazzling. Why does he give that smile? Makes me wanna hold him tight and never leave him.
Neither he would say nor I would whisper. it was a love between our eyes, so pure, so innocent yet so intangible. And that became my world, my world of happiness.
But I never knew summer would end so soon and he would fade away. Neva got a chance to taste his lips. I didn't had the courage and it makes me stand in the pool of tears now.
I thought that was the end of love, I can never love again. I saw people around me deceiving people in love out of rage and frustration. Yet I had no such feeling in me. I was hollow. I felt no anger, no hope, no love. Everything was a mirage, complete illusion. I had lost my first love...
Then came adolescence. Fickle thoughts, searching for love all around. I found one, had a few lovely moments but I remember none. Coz nothing can overpower the feeling I had the first time.
I lost my last chance of falling in love, I guess.
Yet I look back and realise that I was never in love with the guy itself. I always searched for the first guy in the second guy. Well, that is where I went wrong. But isn't life all about making mistakes and learning from them? And there goes my second mistake.
Years later, now I have come to realise that even if the first guy would have come in my life, we could never have been together. He was such a different soul, so much different from what I imagined him to be. I have come to my senses. So there it is, my first mistake.
But I cherish the love which had blossomed in my heart for you. Whatever you're... you'll always be in my heart, you can neva fade away. Or till the next true love comes to my life ( hope so... fingers crossed ;) )
Well it was not him. It was the feeling I had the first time. That love made me write my first book. No matter how much I thank you, it would still be less. Thank you, I feel no more wounded, no remorse, no more hurt. I feel free.
But the first love has become the standard now.
I haven't met any who could make me surpass that powerful feeling. So I feel I can't love anymore, thinking if I can love someone so much more than the first time. It might feel stupid but I want to be in such a state where me being stupid won't hurt me. I can be and only me when I'll be with him. No pretension, no lies. Something so natural that stopping would be against the law of the nature.
I may not go to parties or go for hiking/adventure but I'm weird in my own terms. Being a writer, I'll be weird at times. I don't want someone who will tolerate me but just understand that I will continue to be a crazy girl and I can't be normal back again.
So until the day, I find that love... I guess I don't wanna love anymore. I would be continuing writing about my first love until my soul fades away :)
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I'm sure it'll interest you.
I'm sure it'll interest you.
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